POTATOES HOW-TO

Meat and potatoes are like cock and balls: they just go together. And just for now I’ll deal with the potatoes. Specifically, more of the how-to-make-something and less with the recipe.

Two of the easiest and healthiest ways to prepare potatoes is baking and roasting, and there is no excuse for not being able to make either perfectly. You can overcook the roast, you burn the chicken, you can destroy the pork loin, but a well-done potato side dish will save the evening. Or at least save your ass and stop “Mister Grizzly” from hitting the Internet and taking new applications for a replacement house cub. Catch my drift guys?

Baked Potatoes

A properly done baked potato has a well-done, brown and crunchy skin. When cut open, the inside must be cooked to an almost butter-like consistency. I just hate people who wrap a potato in foil and pop the whole thing into the oven. Might as well just boil the damn thing.

  1. Start with selecting large Russet baking potatoes. Bigger is better (like I have to tell any of you that). The really large spuds seem to be better for baking and while they can be too large a serving for one, I find that serving just one half per guest works out just fine.
  2. Clean the spud with just a bit of soap in your hand; do not use a scrub brush here. A brush will just remove the skin altogether. You are just out to get the dirt and crap off the spud.
  3. Dry the tuber with a cloth towel.
  4. Prick with a fork.
  5. Pour a small amount of peanut oil into your hand and liberally oil the spud.
  6. Microwave for 4 minutes for each spud in the microwave.
  7. Place the spud directly on a rack in an oven that has been pre-heated to 450 degrees (see The Perfectly Heated Oven).
  8. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes. The longer you bake them, the thicker the outer "skin" will become. I prefer the full 45 minutes.


That’s all there is to a perfectly baked potato.

Twice Baked Potatoes

Want to really WOW your dining companions? Of course you do. Besides dick size bragging rights, a well kept recipe or cooking technique is the next best thing. As I have always said, “If you see a group of three leathermen in a bar having an intense conversation, a recipe is being shared.”

I make up about 8 spuds (16 potato halves) and freeze these suckers for later.

  1. Start by making baked potatoes as previously described.
  2. Cut in half and scoop out a portion of the potato innards into a large bowl. Be sure to leave enough so the potato shell has some degree of rigidity left to it. Set the shells aside.
  3. Add to the potato innards some cheese, bacon pieces, broccoli pieces, butter, sour cream, and chives. Mix well.
  4. Stuff the shells with the mixture.
  5. Return to a hot oven and bake until top is golden brown.
  6. Or, freeze for later use.

Roasted Potatoes

As much as I like a good baked potato, they can take too darned long and sometimes are just “not right” as the side dish du jour. For roasted meats or grill fired steaks, I prefer roasted potatoes. And, to do this right, you MUST have a tile lined oven (see The Perfectly Heated Oven) and you must have a heavy, cast iron skillet that has been well seasoned.

  1. Heat the oven to 450 degrees.
  2. Take SMALL potatoes, like red or white varieties, and slice in half. Place into a large bowl as you go.
  3. Drizzle a good peanut oil (or a good grade of olive oil) over the potatoes. Toss and add more oil until the potatoes are well covered and only a small puddle of oil settles into the bottom of the bowl. You do not want the potatoes to be swimming in oil, otherwise all you’re doing is deep frying them in your oven.
  4. To season these spuds, shake a favorite seasoning salt over it. Be a tad heavy handed with the salt here. Toss well to make sure each spud half is well coated in the oil and salt mixture.
  5. Pour into the cast iron skillet. Arrange the spuds with SKIN SIDE DOWN into a SINGLE LAYER.
  6. Pop into the oven for 30 to 45 minutes. When the entire top of the potatoes are a golden brown, you’re ready to serve.

So, let’s review: Good cooking is not about "the recipe", it is often more important to develop your “technique”. It’s like a guy without a gag reflex: while he may have a genuine talent, he may lack the skill to deliver a skillful blow job. Same with cooking. I have shared some important basic techniques with you which if you try a few times, will give you a new found respect for the simple spud.
 

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